spirituality – Spirit of the Wolf

The Forest in the Mirror – My Journey with Tarot Collecting

August 4, 2025 by Jamieson Wolf, posted in Personal Growth, Tarot, Tarot Decks

I don’t think there will ever be a last tarot deck.

I’ve come to realize that as much as I love reading tarot and delving into the mysteries of myself and the journey, I find myself on, I love collecting new tarot decks and other tarot related creations that call to me. With each one I find, be it a deck of Tarot, Oracle, Kiper or Lenormand cards, it’s like I’m finding a part of myself.

Tarot has become a part of how I breathe and that breath changes focus over time. There are times when I feel like I need strong guidance and wise counsel and other times when I need a soft and gentle hand to guide my way. I always find myself going to different decks for different situations. I’ve tried to stick with only one deck, and I did for a while. My first deck was The Ancient Egyptian Tarot. I love the mysticism that Egypt still brings to mind and using those cards was like communicating with a deeper part of my spirit. The Ancient Egyptian Tarot was with me during one of the most difficult times in my life and part of me.

After a break from card slinging, I learned to read tarot again with the Thoth Tarot and after I spent a lot of time with those cards, I needed to find a different path for myself. My path with the Thoth Tarot ended badly, though this had nothing to do with the cards themselves, but the person who taught me to read with them. I wanted to find comfort after a difficult time and knew that I had to walk away from the Toth Tarot. It was too wrapped up in who he was.

After such a bad experience with that was wrapped up within the Thoth Tarot, I needed to walk away from the tarot for a bit. I found myself drawn to The Enchanted Map Oracle by Colette Baron-Reid. They were a revelation at the time and provided me with soft comfort and much needed advice that I needed to turn my mind around and to not just focus on the positive but find a way to let go of the negativity so that I could see the path in front of me clearly. I had no idea that my path would lead me to meet Colette with my friend Christine.

When a friend gave me The Wild Unknown for Christmas, it was like I had found a piece of myself that I had given away a long time ago. I was hesitant picking up another tarot deck after what had happened with the Thoth Tarot. However, after a time with so much darkness, it was like finding light in the shadows, and Kim Krans uses colour to great effect within the art of The Wild Uknown, using the shadow to show how powerful a spot of light or colour can be.

It is the deck that I always return to, no matter how many decks I own. It’s where I feel most at home. The Wild Unknown is the deck that somehow gives me breath in a world where I sometimes don’t feel like I can breathe. I have three cards tattooed on my right shoulder so that I can carry them around with me: the Ace of Wands, Strength and the Ace of Swords. Every day, they remind me what I can create, how I can overcome and what I need to cut away.

Even so, as much as The Wild Unknown holds a part of my spirit, it likes to wander and find itself in new places. I’m always drawn to find a part of myself in something new and if it has gilding on the edges, I’m gone. I have always been a sucker for shiny things. After experiencing The Wild Unknown, I was drawn into the world of Prisma Visions. The Wild Unknown Tarot helped me through a period of growth where I became completely myself and opened me up to what was possible. The world of Prima Visions Tarot was an explosion of colour that lit up the dark and showed me what my world could look like, and it was a world that I wanted to explore. I felt like with each card that I was being drawn into a world where there was finally balance between the light and the dark. I found those cards when I needed to let myself shine because I didn’t want to hide who I was anymore. Those cards showed me that it was okay.

I could go on, but we would be here for a while. When people ask me how many decks I have, I truthfully don’t know the answer. I would wager somewhere between one-hundred or two. There have been decks that have been sold to others or given away to one of my friends who was in need of a little bit of wisdom, but other than that, they have stayed.

I’ve always thought of Tarot cards like doors, they invite into a world of the artists creation. The person who has created the deck is alive within each card, each pigment, each sword, pentacle, cup or wand. The decks that call to me are often at random or ones I’ve been told about, or I spot them on my journeys in stores (both mortar and online). If I know that the store sells Tarot decks, that’s the first thing I go to look at. I almost always find something to take home.

It’s not about just buying a new deck. There has to be some kind of spark or story, waiting to be unravelled and lived in. I’m a firm believer that Tarot decks are spirit keepers. I write and paint. I know that a little bit of the magic that I create lives inside each of my paintings. My books always hold characters that are parts or pieces of me, every writer does this. Our lives and imagination inspire the rest.

I think that tarot decks are like that, too. The decks always hold the spirit of their creator. They’ve had that vision, that idea, that story that had to be told with tarot cards. They are world creators, giving their idea a canvas to live out their tale, to hold the energy that they want to imbibe the deck with. Every time I open a new tarot deck that called to me, I am opening a door within myself that has either remained closed, or I didn’t know was there in the first place. I usually sit with a tarot deck, flipping through the cards and letting what I see tell me a story. Then I sit and read the guidebook, so that I can see further into the forest. The guidebook gives me the bones of the deck. It is, after all, the deck creators’ story and vision. They take the forest of cards and help to bring them to life.

My tarot collection of tarot decks has become something more. It’s like each deck is a page in the book that tells my journey, mirroring a different part of my path. It’s a large book that I have compiled, much like a tarot deck that is really a book filled with mirrors. I’ve always used tarot for personal reflection and growth, and each card is a reflection of who I am, that’s how I’ve always seen them at any rate. These decks that have been created with care by so many different deck creators and artists. They may have created a forest to lose myself in, but it’s my intuition that gives me the light to shine through.

Either way, I’ve come to realize that there will always be a new deck that catches my eye and tugs at my spirit. I know this and I’ve come to a good place with it. I know that with each year that passes, there will be many more pages to add to the book of my life. I can’t wait to see where the cards will take me next.

The Symbols of Jennifer Cooper Steidley – A Tarot Disassembled Deck Review

April 25, 2025 by Jamieson Wolf, posted in Tarot, Tarot Books, Tarot Deck Reviews, Tarot Decks

I’m convinced that Jennifer Cooper Steidley is a Symbol Goddess.

I’ve been a longtime fan of her independently released works including Tarot Disassembled, Tarot Assembled and The Symdala Tarot. They are wonders of symbolic imagery held within the tarot and given a new light and life. They take the Rider Waite Smith Tarot, perhaps the most famous tarot deck, and break every card down into the symbols that each card holds.

The decks are full of symbols, and you’d think that would difficult to read with, but it shows us the pieces and players each Tarot card holds and the energy within. What’s more, her cards let us move them around to tell our own story. Tarot Disassembled helps us take a look at the tarot cards we know so well by breaking each card down to the symbols they contain.

Tarot Assembled breaks down the symbols even more by giving us a gorgeous pallet of colour. I can’t be the only one who responds in a different way for different colours. I feel morose or thoughtful when I see grey, joyous when I see yellow, thoughtful when I see green. Steidley has each let us gaze not upon a card full of symbols, but one single symbol that the Tarot contains. Tarot Assembled has us take a look at the tree that makes up the Tarot and in contemplating the single symbol, we can put the Tarot we know back together.

The Symdala Tarot takes the symbolic journey of the Tarot even further and creates a mandala out of each card. These mandalas give you space to pause, reflect and see even deeper into what the cards mean. What’s more, the words around the edge of each card and the symbols within these circular cards create windows and portals into different parts of ourselves. The cards ask that we meditate upon the images and words that the card holds and I love that about them.

I love the guidebooks that come with each of the decks. They are compendiums of the symbols to be found within and what these symbols mean. They are a wealth of information and knowledge and each time I open one and delve in, I find myself happily lost in a world of words and symbols. I love how Steidley has given me a new way to look within the cards that I know so well and see something new even though I’ve been using the RWS Tarot for years now.

Case in point: I was drawing a card for myself from the Symdala Tarot the other night. I have been going through some health issues and wasn’t surprised to draw the 9 of Wands. What intrigued me was the bandage at the centre of the symbolic mandala. I had never seen a band-aid in the 9 of Wands. I went to my RWS and found the corresponding 9 of Wands card and right there on the man’s head was a bandage. I stopped and looked at the card from the Symdala Tarot and the RWS side by side and I really appreciated how Steidley took a card I knew so well and helped me to see something new within it. It’s like this every time when I’m using her cards.

I was beyond thrilled to hear that Tarot Dissembled was being published by Weiser. I love this deck so much because it started me on my journey of looking deeper within the cards. When I first started using the independently published Tarot Disassembled, I would draw a card and find myself being drawn to a particular symbol. Even through the symbols were all separated, if I followed them, they told a story. When I would read with other decks that were based off the RWS Tarot, I would see symbols that Steidley had brought out into the light. I’m can see the symbols so much more clearly.

More than that, she helped me to fall in love with the Tarot again because she made its language simpler to understand. After so many years of reading Tarot cards, things can start to seem a little boring. I sometimes lose my enthusiasm about Tarot, like everything else in life. Sometimes you need a break. I love all of my decks (and there are a lot of them) but there’s just something about going back to Tarot Dissambled that gives me a reset and much needed reboot. Having the symbols laid out for me reveals the language that Tarot uses to communicate. The decks by Jennifer Cooper Steidley are all like this, but Tarot Disassembled has a special place in my heart because it’s where I first saw the skeleton of each card through the images that she created.

Tarot Disassembled brought so much light into my life and not just because of the symbols that were finally given the limelight they deserved. The whole deck is a fabulous riot colour and it was my hope that when the Wieser version of Tarot Disassembled was published that it would honour the spirit of the deck I knew so well.

Thankfully, the Red Wheel/Weiser Books edition of Tarot Disassembled is just as amazing as the independently published version of the deck. The cardstock is lovely, the matte finish whispery and the yellow edges are amazing. My favourite colour is purple, so I was thrilled beyond words to find out that it had been added to the colour pallet of the cards. It was a joy to go through a deck that I knew so well to see if I could spot the differences in the cards.

I think what I love most is the fact that the Red Wheel/Weiser Books edition of Tarot Disassembled preserved the heart and spirit that makes the deck so special. The guidebook is still the wonderful grimoire of symbols, legend and lore and the cards are spectacular. I’ve got my first and second edition of the Tarot Disassembled, and they are thrilled to welcome their new sibling.

The Tarot Disassembled deck and guidebook by Jennifer Cooper Steidley and published by Red Wheel/Weiser Books is absolute magic.

You can learn mor about Jennifer by visiting her website here: https://www.jennifersteidley.com/

Chapter Thirty – 9 of Wands

April 21, 2025 by Jamieson Wolf, posted in A Tarot Guide, Finding Balance, Memoir

I was tired the next morning.

I had a fitful night sleeping on the floor in Lisa’s bedroom. I was exhausted from all the changes that had happened in my life over such a short period of time. Lisa tried to get me out of myself. I found it hard to show enthusiasm about much of anything and I missed Sunshine and the life I had before.

During my time away from the streets, I had aged out of the Youth Services Bureau when I turned eighteen. It’s not that I couldn’t go back, but I was not allowed to stay. I was too old and the fact that I could never go back to that part of my life filled me with a malaise I couldn’t name. I was constantly being asked to change, to adapt, to embrace. I was being asked to move forward, but I wasn’t sure how.

“You have to stop holding on to everything,” Lisa said. “It’s not healthy. You need to focus on the now.”

We were sitting out front of her apartment having a cigarette. She didn’t often give me life advice, but she was the queen of living in the now. “Who knows what the future holds? You can’t imagine the worst that is yet to come. You’ve got enough on your mind, I can see that. You don’t do well with change.”

I thought of all the changes I had experienced in my life in the past while and thought I had done pretty well with change and told her so. “You haven’t lived my life.”

“I know I haven’t,” she said. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t see. You are walking around all world weary but you’re at the age where you are supposed to be experiencing life. C’mon, get your cards.”

I sighed, put out my cigarette and went to my purple backpack to retrieve my tarot cards and brought them back outside. Lisa motioned at me and said “Well, you know what to do. Shuffle and draw.”

Shuffling the cards, I thought about all the changes I had been through and the weight I was carrying and how to let go of it. I drew the 9 of Wands. It showed four men trying to shift the weight of a statue, but he wasn’t doing so alone. There were others helping him to shift the weight so that they could move the statue.

“See?”

“See what?” I asked her, not sure what she was getting at.

“You carry the weight of your journey, but you are being reminded that you don’t have to do it alone.”

“I always have,” I told her.

“Then maybe it’s time you don’t. I can carry some of your weight, Sophie will help. You have friends on the streets and in the Pagan community and we’re all with you because we know you.” She lit another cigarette. “Didn’t I tell you that you were a warrior witch? It’s because you know how to fight your battles, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t ask for help. You don’t have to do everything on your own or fight battles all the time. You should let people in and let them help you.”

I thought about what she said. “I’ve been taught to do everything on my own.”

“Just because that’s the way you were taught doesn’t mean that you have to live that way all of your life. It must be so exhausting. I couldn’t do everything on my own. I have Paul and my roommate Frank to help me when I need it and my boyfriend Carl when he’s here in town. You don’t have to do everything on your own, Jamieson.” She motioned at the card. “Let someone else hold the Wands for once.”

I looked again at the card and saw that without the other people in the card the man trying to move the statue would never have gotten it done. Was I making my life more difficult for myself by trying to do everything on my own?

I would have to decide what to do, whether or not I was able to let anyone else into my life the way that Lisa was talking about. I was tired, but proud. Was I too proud to accept help and support from other people? I looked at the man within the 9 of Wands and knew that I would need to change my habits.

“Look, I can see from your face that you are going deep into yourself. Come out with me tonight? We’re going to go and play pool.”

“I suck at pool.”

“So do I, but that’s not the point. The point is that sometimes, we have to laugh at ourselves to that we can find a way forward. Sound good?”

Chapter Twenty-Five – 4 of Wands

March 15, 2025 by Jamieson Wolf, posted in A Tarot Guide, Finding Balance, Memoir

The idea of having my own home was still odd to me.

I had to share the washroom with four other men, but my room was mine and no one could take that from me. My meagre amount of clothes barely filled the dresser, but they weren’t in my bag or on the floor. I had my notebook on my desk, and I had alarm clock on the ledge of the window so that it was close by.

It was a comfort to have somewhere of my own to go home to. My childhood home had been filled with love when it could be found, but it tended to hide a lot. There was no love that could stand in the face of violence. Other homes held expectations that had cut off my air and forced me to be someone that I wasn’t. I was disabled and gay and I didn’t fit in. I was reminded of this so often in various ways, most of them cruel. I tried to take my own life rather than live in a world that would try to take my light.

Home was not a word of comfort for me.

It took having my own room, four walls that provided safety, to realize that home had to start with myself. I had to be at home within myself. Only then could I carry the feeling of home wherever I went. This room wasn’t the ideal home, but it was mime. It was somewhere I could lay my head, somewhere I could read and a place where I could heal.

When the thinking got to be too much, when the four walls became too enclosing, I went looking for those that I loved who felt like home to me. I thought of these people as kindred souls, the ones that helped to keep the flame burning on the candle within shining bright. I found myself drawn more and more to Lisa’s place. It often felt more like home than my room. There were always people dropping by to visit with Lisa. They were from the Pagan community like Sophie and Jess, and they were so open and welcoming. If I had a question about Paganism, something I was struggling to understand, they helped me.

I started going to the Pagan brunches every Sunday at the James Street Feed Co. Everyone shone. I was surprised at how much I felt at home with these people. They were so warm. Almost all of them hugged me close as if they had known me for years when we may have only just met. The Pagans that Lee introduced me to were some of the most beautiful people that I had met. Their light made them beautiful.

They seemed to come from everywhere and from all walks of life. Some of them worked for the government, some were social workers and private care workers, others were artists and poets, dancers and singers. The people that I met at the Pagan brunches didn’t fit any kind of category. They were all completely themselves and seemed to defy categorization. There were Wiccans, Druids, Bards and all manner of different kinds of Pagan. Instead of turning a blind eye or a judgemental one towards what they didn’t think fit in, the Pagan brunches welcomed everyone.

Everyone was home within the tree of life that Paganism offered.

After I attended a few more brunches, I felt more at home with these people that had welcomed me as much as I welcomed them. Much as I had felt at home on the streets, or in my one room, I felt at home here. I got to know more of the people and it felt like I was getting to know myself the further I let myself delve into Paganism. It was a revelation.

I found myself reading more about gods and monsters and the different paths of Paganism. I was gradually finding my way through it all and I had finally found the comfort home within a faith and spirituality that would finally have me just as I am without having to change who or what I was.

Just as I had a physical home in my room for my body, my mind and spirit had found a home, too.

The Emerald Tarot – A Review

February 28, 2025 by Jamieson Wolf, posted in Tarot, Tarot Deck Reviews, Tarot Decks

I saw a few images of The Emerald Tarot and bought the deck mostly sight unseen. The truth is, normally when I spot a deck that I’m drawn to, I research the heck out of it and watch videos, read reviews and whatever I can learn about the deck and its vision before clicking buy now. With The Emerald Tarot, there was none of that to be found. I’m not sure why, it’s a brilliant and gorgeous deck that deserves all kinds of praise.

It looks like it should be a pip deck, but all cards are illustrated. It reminds me a lot of the Tarot de Marseilles and has the same feeling to it. Despite having illustrated minors, it doesn’t lose that Tarot de Marseilles feel that it has. The Emerald Tarot is at once timeless and yet it’s also something new.

The deck is published by Ratti Incantanti and is based on The Emerald Tablet, a philosophical source of myths and legends. The box is beautifully designed and looks like an emerald-coloured book with an old clasp. When you open the box, you are invited into the words and images of The Emerald Tarot and what a story it has to tell.

Now, a word to the tarot purists out there. The Emerald Tarot changes quite a few things about the tarot structure that we know and love. In the Major Arcana, a lot of cards have been moved around. The deck begins with the Fool, but that’s followed by the Emperor, not the Magician. The Magician doesn’t show up until card 7. Likewise, the High Priestess doesn’t show up until card 20. It’s got a completely different order to things, and it tells a different story than the one we know so well.

The different order of the cards doesn’t take away from the power of them. More, it follows the ebb and flow of life great moments and the harsher cards like the Tower and Death are mixed in with Temperance and Justice. The Major Arcana starts with the Fool and ends with the World, so the beginning and ending are the same, it’s just the events of the Fools Journey that’s different. When I first started going through the deck, I wondered where everyone I knew was. I was looking for the Magician and the High Priestess and was overjoyed when I found them later within the cards.

The Minor Arcana has been shifted and moved, too. The events that we are familiar with in the Minor Arcana that we know are still there, but the Wands and Swords have traded places. The deck is patterned off of the Rider Wait Smith imagery that we know so well, but Wands are now Air and Swords are now Fire. What’s more, the imagery of the people within the cards have been changed, the Swords taking on the poses of the Wands suit and visa versa; the people within the Wands suit look as if they belong to the Swords suit.

This takes a bit of getting used to and really challenges the reader to take a moment to pause when looking at the cards. The images are familiar, but both suits have been swapped with each other. This didn’t take me too long to get used to as I’ve often associated the Swords with creativity. The Ace of Swords often reminds me of the clarity I find when I’m writing, and I always say that my pen is my Sword. I can understand why some people might not like this shift in the way the Minor Arcana was told, but it works for me. Tarot is fluid, right?

Now, the Cups and Pentacles suits have been left alone, and they are Water and Earth respectively. You wouldn’t expect the suits to all work together so well, but I think that changing Wands with Swords makes the Minor Arcana even stronger. The story that the cards now tell is a different one that we’re used to, but it’s a tale well told. With all the changes to the placement of cards and the suits, it is nice to see that some things have been left alone.

The only complaint I have is a very small one. It says on the website that this deck is tarot and astrology driven. From the website: Where previous tarot systems have many layers of interpretation, including meaning from the Bible and the Qabalah, the Tarot of the Emerald Tablet focuses simply on Astrology. This deck is intended for readers who want a more honest approach to the astrological themes in tarot without the sacrifices made for its other interpretations.

That’s all well and good, but the only cards that have been linked to astrology are the Major Arcana and it’s been beautifully done. I was expecting more of a astrological focus to the cards, but it’s artfully done. If you don’t read astrology, don’t worry. The astrological symbols on the Major Arcana don’t get in the way of a reading, but nor does the deck have much to do with astrology aside from the Major Arcana and the changes in the Swords and Wand suits.

The art of The Emerald Tarot is so beautiful. It feels like I’m using a deck from long ago, but with a slightly modern twist. It has a cute factor that never goes into a sugary overdrive which is something I really appreciate. It’s a hard balance to do. It’s not a deck with a lot of diversity, but none of the Tarot de Marseilles decks were either so I don’t feel like that should hold anyone back. The cardstock is lovely, thick and buttery soft. There has been a lot of care put into each area of The Emerald Tarot and it’s all tied together with the gorgeous card backs.

The Emerald Tarot shines like a beautiful gem. Though the deck makes us rethink how to connect with our spirit through the cards, there is enough that it similar here that the deck will entertain and amaze novices and seasoned tarot card slingers. It is timeless, modern perfection.

Design: Jesse Gros-Louis
Deck Art: Nicole Raskin
Booklet Art: Ben Farnell

You can find The Emerald Tarot here: https://rattiincantati.com/products/the-emerald-tarot?srsltid=AfmBOopemj86BXLFzo0uKASm9eupw2pHGtWZvPFs_MqDS4GWLddetNB1