The 5 of Cups and Letting Go

It has always been a dream of mine to end up on a tarot card, I just never thought it would happen.

Earl this year, I fell in love with the Harley Spenser Tarot Deck. I have a short review to come, but I loved the cards and how vibrant they are. Harley Spenser makes very deck by hand and it takes her up to three days to make one of her decks.

I got both the Harley Spenser Tarot Deck and the Bad Ass Tarot Deck. They are both fabulous and I love how they take the cards that I know but force me to think about them differently. They have deepened my relationship with tarot and the journey that I am on with the cards. They are also so much fun!

Harley was running a contest to appear on one of her cards. Well, I had my husband take a few photos and sent them in. Harley later contacted me to tell me that the pictures I had sent were perfect and that I was going to be on the card! To say that I was ecstatic was an understatement of epic proportions.

The card was the 5 of Cups. I thought of all the cards I would end up on, I did not resonate with the 5 of Cups but I really took a look at it. She had placed “Old Feelings” on the ketchup bottle that I held.

The 5 of Cups can be a difficult card to get in a reading. It symbolizes mourning and emotional adjustment, regret and disappointment. However, Harley Spenser really took a different look at the card. It’s about letting go of the old feelings that we hold on to and actively deciding to get rid of them, let them go and to move on and fill your body and bottle full of new healthy emotions.

I realized that this was the perfect card for me to end up on. I grew up in an abusive home and have weathered several abusive relationships. I have been working on viewing myself in a different way and have been trying to let go of the thoughts that those abusers left within me. The feelings of not being good enough, of not being attractive. Even though I was able to get free of the relationship, I was still carrying the negative emotions within me.

I was thrilled to have ended up on this card! When Harley Spenser sent me a card in the mail, holding it was an unreal experience. I was on a tarot card! What’s more, it represented me in ways that I hadn’t before realized. I have continued to work on letting go of old feelings and negativity. I got a few extra copies of my card and I keep one on my altar and one propped up on my desk when I write.

It’s good to have the reminder to let things go!

Check out The Harley Spenser Tarot Deck HERE.

Buy my 5 of Cups card HERE!

The Path of Tarot

I came back to tarot in an odd way.

When I was hit with Multiple Sclerosis in January of 2013, I was lost within myself. For the longest time, I didn’t know what was wrong with me or how to cope with it. The shadows came and I found myself in a dark forest of depression.

I had to learn to walk again and speak again, I even had to wait for my vision to clear as I had gone temporarily blind. It was a long uphill battle which I almost lost. When I was able to find my way out of the dark forest, I knew that I had to find a way to heal my spirit, just as I had been trying to heal my body and my mind.

I took a few workshops on spiritual development and ended up having a tarot reading on Halloween. I had read tarot cards back in my teens and walked away from them. Finding them again was an awakening.

Within the seventy-eight cards, I found windows into my soul and my spirit. I began drawing cards every day and began to use them as part of my spiritual healing process. Within the cards, I saw pieces of myself and as I got to know them, I used the cards to put myself together again.

I write about this whole experience in my memoir Little Yellow Magnet which is the whole journey that I took to finding myself after waking up in one morning in December of 2012 with Multiple Sclerosis.  You can find that memoir HERE.

Finding the tarot again when I did was no accident. I’ve come to learn that fate has a way of steering us in the right direction, whether we realize it or not. I’ve continued to read every day for myself and for others and tarot has become such a large part of my life, not to mention my every growing tarot deck collection.

I am still walking on my path and discovering new things about myself with every step that I take. Tarot is like the signposts along the path marking the progress that I’m making. Every card that I pull every day is a mark along the road. I can look back upon those cards and realize how far I’ve come.

As I continue with tarot and the joy it brings me, I try to bring joy into the lives of other people by helping them with their personal growth. None of us are perfect and there is always work that we can do on ourselves. It’s always my focus to use tarot to help others on their journey as much as tarot helped me on my own.

The Fools Journey

220px-RWS_Tarot_00_FoolI’m often asked about my path to the Tarot cards. Here’s that story:

I thought the Tarot was all about fortune telling. You asked a question, you drew a card and you read its meaning in the book and that was it. It never occurred to me that they could be for something deeper, something more personal.

During our first class, my teacher told us that the cards were really doorways. That stuck with me and each card was like a little window showing me what I needed to know.

When I started taking Tarot classes, I thought I knew everything already. I had been reading the Tarot cards for years, had delved into different types of fortune telling.

I was also a bit of mess. I was coming off the end of a difficult relationship and my body was different than it had been and I was still coming to grips with how it was now. I was battered emotionally, physically and spiritually.

My teacher talked a lot about using the Thoth deck for personal growth. It was a revelation for me. I never knew that the Tarot could be used in such a way. It never occurred to me that they could be used for anything other than fortune telling.

We started off reading just based on colour. We had to draw a card for ourselves every day after we asked the cards a question. I kept getting repeat cards.

One of them was the Aeon, a bright and beautiful card that to me looked like arms giving me a hug. The Aeon kept coming up for me in my daily card draw. I wondered why it kept coming up. It wasn’t until we started delving into the meanings of the cards that it started to make sense.

The card represents insight, transformation, that we should leave behind our old perceptions and embrace higher learning. What it really represented was the balance between spirit and self.

I was, quite frankly, stunned. I had been going through a transformation in my life. I was struggling to find peace in my new life, reborn in the same body but a different person. I was drowning. The Aeon was a light amongst the darkness.

I realized then that I had to open myself up, that I had to embrace what the cards were trying to tell me. So my questions to the cards changed. Instead of wanting to know if I would find love, I asked them how to go about loving myself.

I felt an awful lot like the Fool that opens the deck. He’s starting on a journey and it takes him through the deck of cards. I was going on my own journey, learning about myself and about what I was cable of.

As my confidence with the cards grew, so did my confidence in myself. The cards helped to put things into perspective. Yes, I was a different person, no longer the same. However, the cards showed me that I was on the right path and that the journey would only be over when I was no longer willing to lean and no longer willing to grow.

That journey still continues. Every day, I learn more about myself, I learn more about what I am capable of. My spirit and my heart are aligned now and the world is no longer filled with darkness. It is only filled with light.

Let’s hope this Fool’s journey I am on never ends.

All We Need Is Love

Tunnamedhe question I am asked most as a Tarot Consultant is: Will I find love?

Love is one of the greatest things we can be given by another person and yet it has no form, no shape, nothing we can touch and yet it can fill up our bodies, our hearts and our souls. It’s a beautiful thing.

All the readings I’ve done as of late have been about love or finding love. I have happily done  the readings but urged my clients to think of questions that would further their personal growth.

I’ve come to realise that love is part of any healing process. Self-love should come first. However, when we don’t have love from another, we are always searching for it, always wanting it. We aren’t a species meant to be on our own; love should be a constant.

We have family and friends that love us, but it’s not the same thing as having romantic love. Someone to wake up with, to fall asleep beside, to pick you up when you are down, to lend support when you need it most.

When I was on my path to love, the first question I asked a fellow Tarot reader was “Will I find love again?”

I had just ended a really bad relationship and had one failed marriage behind me. I wondered if I would ever find it again, whether or not it was in my path or in my cards. Thankfully, the cards said I would, but they urged me to love myself first.

I thought I already loved myself.  I went on a few disastrous dates. They all ended badly and I knew that these men weren’t right for me, that they were repeats of past relationships. They were doors I didn’t want to open.

So I took the card’s advice, asking questions like “What do I need to know?” and “What do I focus on?” and “What is the next step on my path?” and “What do I need to do to better myself?”

Throughout the next few months, I focused on self-love, on being good to myself, and more that on actively loving myself. It wasn’t easy. However, the cards were there every step of the way to guide me along, giving me advice when it looked as if all hope was lost or giving guidance and support when life was dark.

Love is one of the emotions that we cherish and need the most. Why wouldn’t we want to know if or when it’s coming?

After all, I did; everyone does.