shadow – Spirit of the Wolf

I saw the Tarot Chimera in a video deck review by The Hermit’s Cave (which can be seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNgJl9mCgDY&t=770s ) and was immediately smitten. I loved the designs, the quiet play of light and dark, the drawings that were at once arresting and intriguing. For a lot of the cards, they reflected the emotion or intent, even if it didn’t contain the symbolism of each card.

I’ve always loved tarot decks that delved into the shadows a little to see what could be found. The Shadowland Tarot, The Wanderer Tarot and Carnival at the End of the World Tarot and The Starman Tarot are great examples of decks that ask you to look at the darker elements of life and show you where you can find the light.

Naturally, when I saw the Tarot Chimera, I knew that it was perfect for me.

Created and curated by Nitasia Roland, Tarot Chimera features the breathtaking art of French Symbolist artist Odilon Redon (1840–1916). It is styled in the RWS framework and the artwork by Rendon is surreal and haunting, but so incredible.

Redon was a well-known artist and symbologist who dealt with the speculative, loved symbols and the magic that they contained. Roland writes about her journey with Redon his art in her expertly written guidebook. She thought the art naturally lent itself to a Tarot deck and she is not wrong. The art by Redon is just breathtaking on its own, but when paired with a card number and meaning, it adds depth to the art. The images give new meaning to the cards, and I found myself getting blissful lost within the cards.

Roland has written an incredible guidebook that takes you on a journey of its own. She talks about Redon and what called her to his art and how his art reflects the shadowy dark part of our psyche. Her card meanings are spot on, not just in meaning, but she tied the art to the card beautifully. She took me on a journey within myself. I always look at the cards first and then sit with the guidebook, but she has designed something that works in sympatico with each other. You can read with the cards on their own, but the guidebook helps take you to places you may not have expected or normally associated with the cards.

Weiser has done an incredible job in quality. The cardstock is top notch, and the gold gilding is superb. It’s a linen cardstock that shuffles so beautifully and it’s only got a tiny bit of a glaze to it, and this helps the art pop even more than it would have. It’s a beautiful deck to overhand or riffle shuffle with. This is a sumptuous and surprising deck.

This deck of cards made me feel like I was walking around in the spirit and psyche of its creator and seeing parts of myself reflected back at me. I can’t wait to get lost in the shadows of the Chimera and find out what they have to say to me.

Card of the Month: 7 of Cups

The world around us is full of turmoil, so it’s a good time to look within to give you time to breathe. You are being given an opportunity to look at the parts of yourself that you have kept in the dark. When you close your eyes, it can be difficult to find your way in the dark. Take time to look at the different treasures you can see.

Though there may be some difficult things to take in about yourself, remember that all the parts of you, even those that you’ve kept in the dark, deserve love. When you look within, you may not recognize the parts of yourself that you’ve kept hidden, but they have never stopped believing in you.

Find the inner child and look within yourself with wonder.

The world always looked different at night.

I was completely myself within the darkness of the streets. There was no need to hide myself because I was already hidden in the shadows. Renee was the first person to notice this. “Why do you avoid the light?”

We were walking in the square. The Ottawa Mission had a truck that would drop by the square and give out clothing, blankets and warm food like prepared soups. Renee and I walked around the square, our bags a little heavier with soups for later and new blankets. I wore a pair of socks over my hands as the cans of soup were quite hot. I had forgone the spoon for now and sipped the soup out of the can.

“I don’t know what you mean,” I said.

She gave me a look that I could discern even in the half light. It was one of exasperation and patience. Renee did something then that I wasn’t expecting; she took my hand and wouldn’t let go when I tried to pull away. “You know exactly what I mean. Why do you hide?”

“You make it sound like I’m some kind of fucking vampire.”

“You might as well be. Anytime that someone asks you a question directly, or focuses on you, you tend to go inward. You’re fine with the people you trust, but you shrink away from the people you don’t know.”

I shrugged. “It’s a learned habit. Being noticed before tended to get me hurt. It was easier to hide.”

“Well, I don’t want you to hide.”

I thought of how comfortable I was in Sunshine’s apartment, hiding from the world. Or amongst the kids that gathered at the YSB, or the crowds that gathered for lunch and dinner at the Mission. I could disappear in those places and seek to be unseen. I said as much to Renee.

“You must be joking!” She said, her eyes sparkling with merriment. “You are the one person that everyone sees.”

I shook my head. “That’s not true.”

“Of course it is,” She let go of my hand and turned her head skyward to look at the stars.

I was drawn to look at the moon. I always marvelled at the fact that it seemed so large, but it was so far away. I never felt afraid of the dark when I could see the moon. I had always been drawn to it, but more so lately. I thought of the moon as the all-seeing eye, more so than the sun. The sun brought light into the day, but the moon helped me sit with my truths

“You carry your brother’s mystique,” Renee said. “There’s that. He left quite the impression here, but you’re doing one better. You’re making your own path.”

I looked up at the stars then and they looked like they were dancing for the crescent moon. They looked unafraid to find their way forward. “Did you know my brother?” I asked her.

She nodded. “I only knew him by reputation, but he seemed okay.”

I often felt like I was walking with his shadow beside me, and I could reach out and take his hand, letting it guide me to where I needed to go, but of course every time I went to take his hand, he wasn’t there. We had always been two halves of the same whole. I had been cast into the role of the good son and my brother had been made into the bad son. We had always been good and bad, light and dark, sun and moon. Whenever the moon was full, the shadow of my brother that walked with me seemed the clearest. I looked beside me now and saw only a thin wisp of an outline, all smoke and no shadow, but he was still there.

“You don’t have to be afraid of the light, you know? Like the moon? Look how bright it is and it’s not even a full moon! Shows us where we are right now. It’s different every night, like it gives us a chance to take in what it’s shown us?”

She said this like a question, and it got me thinking about the traits I shared with my brother. We were identical mirror image twins, but so incredibly different. My brother had been unafraid to go after what he wanted, I didn’t even know what I wanted out of life yet, but looking up at the moon, I imagined it showing me a little of the path forward.

I tried to see where my path had started, but that part of it was lost to the clouds and the movements of the stars.

Tag: shadow

Tarot Chimera by Nitasia Roland and art by Odilon Redon

Chapter Eighteen – The Moon