“And you’re going to need more clothes. You can’t move into your place without any real clothes, of and you need bedsheets.”
We were in the Giant Tiger in the Byward Market. Rhonda was putting things in my cart. She put a set of one-hundred percent flannel sheets in, along with a pair of comfortable looking pyjama’s. “I’m not sure I’ll need those.” I told her.
“Cus you’re such a slut, right?” She winked at me. “No, trust me, you’ll want these. The sheets will keep you warm in the winter, make no mistake. Unless you have someone to cuddle up to.”
“It’ll be a while before that happens.”
“Never say never!” Rhonda added a comfortable looking sweater in robins egg blue to the basket. “This is totally your colour.”
I tried to put the sweater back, but Rhonda slapped my hand. “Hey, once its in the basket, it stays.”
“I can’t afford all of this.” I watched as she threw a three pack of ramen, a box of granola bars and jars of peanut butter and jelly into basket. I was trying to think of what little money I had and how I would make it stretch.
“Nothing doing. I’ve told you already that you aren’t paying for any of this.”
I watched her move through the store like a woman on a mission. She added what looked like a soft blanket and packs of underwear and socks to the basket. She handed one basket to me and grabbed another. She moved with purpose but also with patience. She was being very patient with me. “I can’t let you do that.”
“You can and you will. I’m loyal to my friends, Jamieson. Let me be a friend to you. Friends help friends when they need help. You’ve been told you have to do everything yourself all the time. But you don’t have to, okay?”
We walked up to the second floor which handled housewares and linens. She threw bath towels into the second basket. “You’re going to need these, and look! A fuzzy housecoat!”
“That will look out of place in a boarding house.”
“What, you’re going to rush across to the bathroom stark naked? Plus, what if you want to do a strip show for someone?” She gave me a wink and threw in a few t-shirts.
“Like that will happen.” I said.
“Only cus you don’t want it to. Be open to new possibilities, Jamieson. That’s all you have to do, the rest will follow.”
The items in the baskets were piling up. She handed me one of the baskets and grabbed another. On the third floor, they had things dishes and small pieces of furniture. Rhonda grabbed a small table and put it in the basket.
“I don’t need a table.”
“Yes, you do. Where do you have your altar right now?”
“I don’t have one.”
“Right, so you need a table. You need to have somewhere in your home that’s a sacred space for you, so that you can converse with Spirit.”
She picked up a box that contained an unassembled table and put it in the new basket. “Easy peasy, you just screw the legs in. Did you any candles for your altar? How about a burning dish for incense?” She plunked one in the basket.
“You don’t have to do all this.”
“I know I don’t. Just let me help you, okay? It means a lot that you let me help you.”
The look she gave me was one filled with hope. I could tell that this simple act of kindness was as huge for her as it was for me. All I had to do was accept the gift. “Why is it so important to help me? I’m not anyone.”
“You’re wrong. You are Jamieson Wolf and you are my friend, okay? That’s a good place to start.”
The cashier helped us bag everything and Rhonda and I took the bus back to Monk Street to put everything in my new room. It felt odd to know that I had a place of my own where I could lock the door and have safety.
Even now, as we stood in the middle of the room deciding where everything would go, it felt like it was too much. Catherine had found me a used bed and boxspring in the basement downstairs. “People often leave their beds when they move out.”
“I can’t take this,” I told her.
“Yes, you can,” Rhonda said. “Now tell Catherine thank you.”
“Thank you, Catherine.”
“Don’t mention it.” She gave me a brilliant smile, and I wondered what I had done to be graced by it.
I helped Rhonda make my bed. She had gotten me a simple duvet for the bed, too, even though I told her that I had blankets already. I carried them with me everywhere I went with everything else I owned in my purple backpack.
“Those were blankets for when you needed to run. This duvet is for a home. Keep the blankets for an emergency, okay?”
We spent the afternoon putting things together. I had a new bed, a table and a chair with a plate, bowl, knife, fork and spoon to eat with. We put that the corner of the room so that I could eat and look out the window. The other smaller table she placed on the other wall so that my spot for spiritual guidance could also be given the light of the window. I had my clothes nicely folded and kept in boxes that I placed at the foot of my bed. The door to the sunroom was open and it had a small carpet and a fold up chair so that I could sit out there and enjoy the sun and the growing plants that covered the windows. There was another box that served as my bookshelf.
I looked around at everything and was astounded to realize that this was my home. I hadn’t had a place of my own for so long that I had forgotten what it was like. Rhonda came to stand beside me, and she took my hand and gave it a squeeze.
“All kinds of fucking fantastic, isn’t it?”
“It is.”
We were silent for a moment. I took in the sounds of people and the music of the house that I could hear. Finally, Rhonda spoke.
“I remember when I first got off the streets.” She said. “I got my apartment and it was most amazing thing in the world because it was all mine, you know? Everything in the apartment was mine and no one could take it from me. The home was mine and only I could decide who I let in. The whole place felt too big, but not big enough, as if my spirit was bigger than it was, you know?”
I nodded and didn’t say anything at first. She had just voiced everything that I was feeling. These two room were all mine and only I could decide who would be allowed in.
“You asked me why I was doing all of this for you before.”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Because you’re my friend and you have been kinder to me than anyone else, I have ever known. Because I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“I have to know that you will be okay, okay? I have to know that whatever happens to us, that I made sure you had the footing to see yourself as I see you. I have to make sure that you’re going to be okay.”
“Hey,” I said. “We’re okay, we’re always going to be okay.” I was worried by the way that she was talking and the tears that were sliding down her face.
“Yeah, I know. I know we’ll be.” She let out a breath and lit a cigarette. I handed her the ashtray that she had gotten me at the store. “Mostly because when I took the leap to get off the streets, there was no one to help me land on my feet. I had to do it all on my own. You’ve already had a lot happen to you. I wanted to make it easier for you than it was for me, okay?”
Now tears were sliding down my cheeks. I wiped them away. “Okay, thank you.” I took a breath. “I love you, Rhonda.”
“And aren’t you lucky that I love you back?” She let out a shaky wet laugh. “Let’s go get a coffee to celebrate your new home. I’ll let you buy, okay?”
“All right.” I hugged her, careful of her cigarette and we left my home. I took out the keys and locked the door behind me.
Spirit of the Wolf 