The ride to the hospital was a blur.
I called the cab and while we waited for it to arrive, I called Lisa’s boyfriend Carl and Darnelle to let them know that Lisa’s water broke. I reached out to Sophie and let her know and I knew that she would let everyone else know.
I packed a bag for Lisa and helped her into the cab, giving the driver instructions to drive us to the general hospital. Lisa was trying to do deep breathing exercises and was attempting to light a cigarette for herself at the same time. I took the cigarette from her and butted it out. “Now is not the time.”
“I’m fucking stressing out. Now is the perfect time. I want a smoke before we get to the hospital.”
When she reached for her bag again, I took it and placed in my backpack. I had packed my own bag in preparation for this day as I knew that it would be coming soon. I sat in the cab and tried to encourage Lisa to do the breathing exercises that we had practised. Thankfully, the cab driver drove very quickly to get her to the hospital as fast as he could.
“You’re doing great, Lisa.”
“I want a fucking cigarette.”
“You can have one when this is all done. For now, just try breathing and focus on little Rosalind and try to calm yourself.”
“That’s kind of hard to do when a baby is trying to push it’s way out of my vagina.” She said harshly.
It’s almost over, I said to myself. It’s almost over and then I will be free.
I tried to keep her calm during the ride and when we finally arrived at the hospital, I thanked the driver. “Good luck to the lady,” he said.
“Thank you,” I told him and gave him a nice tip.
“Okay, I want to have a cigarette before we go in. Give me my fucking smokes.”
I ignored her and got Lisa into a wheelchair. I took her to the main emergency window and told the nurses there that Lisa’s water had broken.
The next hour or so was a blur as the nurses got Lisa comfortable on a bed and rolled it towards one of the rooms that were available. I was asked to help Lisa strip down so that she could put on a hospital gown. I was given a gown for myself so that I would be allowed into the delivery room.
The doctors and nurses wheeled her into the surgery room and after that, it was a blur of motion, sound and the music that only a hospital room is capable of, the endless beeping and breathing and the beating of heart. During all of it, I held Lisa’s hand and told her that she would be okay, that she was a goddess, that she was capable of creating magic.
“You’re all I have,” she said. “Where is Carl?”
“He’s on his way. Try and stay calm.”
“I’m going to make him rue the day he got me pregnant!”
“That’s the spirit,” I told her. “Hold on to my hand as tightly as you want to.”
Lisa huffed out a breath. “I’m going to make him eat his fucking balls.”
“And I’m sure that Carl will appreciate that.” I told her. I thought it was best to agree with whatever she was saying, she was giving birth to life after all. She had seen me through so much and had given me a nest to grow in. Now, she would be raising another life in her home. I didn’t belong there anymore.
Lisa followed the doctor’s instructions, pushed when she needed to, breathed and paused when told. The entire time, she had hold of my left hand. I could no longer feel it. She looked at me and I was seeing the Lisa as she truly was: afraid and terrified. In that moment, Lisa and I shared something with each other. She looked at me with fear in her eyes, and I tried to tell her that everything was going to be okay. While she had hold of my hands, I tried to whisper this to her spirit. Lisa was in no fit state to hear me at the moment. It was my hope that her spirit would be receptive of the energy that I was giving to her. I pictured all my chakras sending her spirit what she would need, a beautiful rainbow shared between two people waiting to welcome a new person into the world.
In what seemed mere moments, but I’m sure it was longer, the doctor handed Lisa her beautiful baby girl. They cut the umbilical cord and made sure that Rosilind was okay. She was a beautiful five pounds and four ounces with a smattering of blond hair on her head. Rosilind seemed impossibly small, hardly even real, but she was. This tiny, beautiful human that had not existed a moment before but was here in front of me now.
Lisa handed her out to me without words. She didn’t need to ask; I came closer and wrapped her in my arms. She cuddled right in and hid her head in the crook of my arms. I wondered if she was excited for what the world had waiting for her. There would be a lot to fear, a lot to fight for but also a lot of joy. As I held her, I hoped that she would experience more joy than I did in her home and that she would grow into someone that would create rainbows out of rain.
There was the sound of footsteps behind us. Darnelle and her son, Fox, Sophie and Jenn came into the room, closely followed by Carl and the sound of others. We had all come together to celebrate this new life. None of us were related by blood, but we knew each other in our hearts and our spirits spoke the same language. We were kin and together, there was light.
I remembered to pull down some of the light from the air so that I could remember this moment and feel its warmth. I wrapped the light around my wrists like bracelets so that I could carry this memory with me.
Spirit of the Wolf 