That night, I walked home with Fox and Lisa.
“You weren’t supposed to kiss him!” she said. She sounded like she was admonishing me, but there was laughter in her voice.
“Well, what was I supposed to do?”
“He was supposed to help you heal, talk about your feelings about what happened.”
Fox let out a chuckle. “It looked like there was lots of healing going on there, but I could have misread the situation.” He nudged gently in the ribs. “But I don’t think I did.”
I blushed and wondered if my friends could see it in the darkness as my cheeks burned so brightly. “You’re not wrong.” I said, grinning.
“I didn’t think so. I’m happy for you, man.”
“Thanks,”
“I still think you should have talked first before you started making out.”
“We did talk first,” I told her. “We talked all night.”
“Yeah, but you did you talk about what you’d been through?”
I sighed inwardly. I didn’t want to talk about this in front of Fox. I know that he would accept whatever I had to tell him, but right now, only Lisa, Francis and I knew what I had been through. I didn’t want to bother another person with the sadness that I carried. “Can we just focus on joy this evening? I had a great night, I won the contest, and I don’t feel any shadows around me for one. Can we talk later and just live the joy?” I was far too elated to let her slip up bother me. I had finally kissed a man that found me attractive and wanted to get to know me instead of viewing me as an inconvenience or a freak. “I want to celebrate.” I said.
Lisa stopped and lit three cigarettes, passing one to Fox and one to me. “Can we talk about how you two were eye-fucking each other the entire time? You could cut the sexual tension with a knife around you two.”
Both Fox and I laughed, and it was so wonderful to laugh about something so wonderful. “True, I thought you guys were totally going to dry hump right there.”
“Stop it!” I said, the laughter in me increasing. I was giddy with the sheer joy of it.
“Why would we stop?” Lisa said, grinning. “You wanted a celebration and the sheer act of laughing means that this is a celebration.” She took a mickey of booze out of her purse and showed it to us. “Come on boys, the night is young.”
I led us down a path where the trees opened up above us and we could see the night sky. I could see a few stars shining and I felt like a wish I hadn’t even made had been answered. I watched as the cigarette smoke mingled with the stars, making them look like they were showing themselves through clouds. I wondered if the stars were different than the night before; I certainly felt different.
“You’re glowing, dude.” Fox said.
I blushed even deeper than last time. “Thanks.”
“Just be careful,” Lisa said. “I’ve known Francis a long time and he’s always been alone. He’s never even been attracted to anyone as far as I know.”
“Till me,”
“Till you.” She threw her cigarette butt to the ground and stepped on it to put it out, sending a shower of sparks that bloomed out over the pavement. “I just don’t want you getting hurt. I’m only saying this as your friend.”
“I know.” And I did. She was a mother to all of us, really. She couldn’t help but worry about me. Lisa knew about most of the ways I’d been hurt. She said that’s what made me such a good warrior.
“Remember, Jamie. Warriors don’t feel pain. They take it in and use it to move forward.”
“I know,” I said again.
There was a moment of silence between the three of us. There were so many emotions running through me that it was all I could do just to let myself feel them. The one that came to the surface of the water the most was joy, an absolute, all-consuming joy. It felt good and I felt amazing. I hadn’t
“Dude, can we talk about the kiss?” Fox said. “That kiss was epic!”
I let out a laugh and marvelled at how good a kiss could make me feel. When I looked at Lisa and Fox, we all started laughing. Lisa surprised both Fox and I by letting out a warrior cry that was echoed the joy I felt. She started running as if she wanted to chase down the moon and Fox and I ran after her.
I put my arms out as I ran and, for a moment, I could have sworn that I was flying.
Spirit of the Wolf 